Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Blogger sentenced to jail!

From his facebook page. 
Maikel Nabil
Choi! Bloggers we should better be careful with what we write or publish. Just heard of this fresh looking Egyptian guy's (26 yr old) 2 yrs sentence to jail and a fine of LE200 for insulting the armed forces,publishing false news and disturbing public security. 
What I feel abourrit? Oh-Oh, now I know those who love me, why should I use Panadol for another man's headache?! Even though minding my business is not exactly my hobby, I choose to this time. Shikena!

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

5 KOJO RARA...Don't even think abourrit!

There are lots of things I wished I could do but fortunately can't do because they are my personal taboos. Of course,it's not like thunder would strike me dead but I'm trying to be a better Christian and person. Please don't insult me if they sound kinda lame (MOST ACTUALLY ARE!)
Taboo Number 1
Thou shalt not throw the third finger
I wish I could throw the third finger anyhow at anybody or at times the waka sign aka your father aka shege bansa. You know taking a drive and someone just overtakes foolishly, then you just give him/her the finger or a guy just makes a silly comment when strutting by feeling fly and funky...hmmmn cool reaction but EVILLLLLL!!!!!!(I Corin 10:31)
Taboo Number 2
Thou shalt not get wasted and do other things you'll pretend not to remember
After a stressful day at work or lonely night, at times its really tempting to just go to the club some night,get wasted, have a quickie with a random stranger and let your friends carry you home. Hmmmmm, pure EVILLLL!!!!!(Proverbs 23:21)
Taboo Number 3
Thou shalt not stare lustfully at them fine brothers
I try my best possible not to stare at the dark(at times fair), really handsome dudes that sit beside me in a bus or at times church. I try to tell myself that I'm just admiring God's beautifully made creatures but seriously who am I kidding?! These Adam reincarnates can be so tempting, pushing a sister to sin, mschewww. I'm angry sef, why do they have to be so flipping fine?!(Eph 5:3)
Taboo Number 4
Thou shalt not dance to Lady gaga's songs no matter how popular or sweet
Secular songs and I are frenemies. They are not nutritious to my soul yet so pleasurable. Well, I know I'm getting there sha, slowly but steadily walking towards perfection. I really used to like Lady Gaga until she sang Judas, Judas ke. Nobody had to tell me that she and the devil had legally gotten married. The annoying aspect is that this drat song keeps playing in my mind after hearing it by mistake! And yes I love dancing and can really dance gan, so imma just limit my dance (fingers crossed) to God worthy songs.(Ecc 7:5)
Taboo Number 5
Thou shalt not take parents money even though they wouldn't notice
As bad and easy as this seems this is actually the toughest. There are times I get so broke buying latest bbs and weaves and I feel so shy asking my folks for money because I'm working and get paid. So the next easily sinful alternative is quickly fapping that change in momsie's handbag or popsie's code locked (which I decoded. NB not proudly saying o) purse. (Exodus 20:15)

So these are my basic never-do-o! Everybody tends to give themselves a to do list totally forgetting the not-to-do list. It helps try it out.
 Merry Xmas in advance y'all! Lots of lov and kisses...and always remember His Grace is sufficient...mwahhhh

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

When love is not enough!II - Before you say 'I do'

So it is no news that love is NEVER enough. Most people just enter into marriage claiming they are in love without first thinking of 'for better for worse'. If everyone considered their marital vows before signing the dreaded divorce papers then nobody would be bearing the title, divorcĂ©(e). The rate at which couples get divorced these days is terrifying for those still married and those about to. But trust my Naija peeps nah, that one na tori o, abeg! First get married then bear the cross later,the major thing is the aso ebi and Mr and Mrs (especially Mrs ) title. According to Myles Munroe: 'what keeps a marriage is not love but knowledge'- the ability to live with each other. These days, most about to wed couples are advocating the cohabiting theory. Well, personally I don't really like this idea in fact sef I hate the idea! I strongly believe that the best and only step to take before saying 'I do' is praying. Pray and fast because your life actually depends on it. Talk to your mother about this person, I trust my fellow Naija women, they have special pastors for occasions like this and if you don't have a mother, then talk to your pastor. This is someone you are planning to spend the rest of your life with, you are gonna wake up every morning and see his/her face with dried drool beside his/her mouth, have sleepless night because of his/her loud snores, watch the prized possession which got you attracted to him/her in the first instance loose its elasticity or sag every day and keep up with other really annoying traits for the rest of your LIFE!!! I'm sorry if this sounds like a life sentence (actually it is!) but I'm just trying to emphasize the depths of this institution we call marriage. 
On the brighter side however, you go home and there's always someone waiting for you to wipe your tears, sweat and make you feel alive*winks*, a constant, loyal and faithful companion (ie if you are with the right person o!).

So my dear friends, I don't believe love fades away, but I believe it is not enough to stop your partner from cheating, throwing that bed lamp at you, being impatience at your childlessness, taking sides with your in-laws, constantly nagging, abandoning you, giving you the silent treatment, need I mention more?! What is enough is Grace, the Grace of God!it's always sufficient.And for the married ones, 'A family that prays together, sticks together', might sound like a cliche but oh! it works, keep it in mind!

Thursday, 24 November 2011

When love is not enough!

Titi, 23 met Dayo, 25 on Facebook, they set up a date, met and instantly fell in love. Few months into their relationship,they both decided to take a blood genotype test, just to be sure. Well, your guess is as good as mine if you always see the glass as half empty and not half full. They were both AS and had to call it quits. 
They are both still single.
Rita, 20 met Emeka, 29 in the church. Rita was a member of the church choir and often led praises during service. This of course caught the attention and 'attraction' of Emeka. As a sharp Ibo boy he prophesied his love to Rita who within few weeks was swept of her feet by his persistence, charm, good looks and of course, fat bank account totally turning  deaf ears to his really strong Ibo accent. After two months of playing hard to get as per correct   Naija babe mentality she finally succumbed to his woos and eventually said 'I do' with the approval of their pastor (and other means via pictures of Emeka and other prospective suitors). Five years after the marriage, Rita had not gotten pregnant and this caused tension in their home. Emeka started drinking, keeping late nights and flirting around. What finally broke the camel's back was his ultimatum,'thiz year if you don't give me a child consider yaself single!'.
Rita is now back with her parents.
Kenny, 32 met Ruka, 26 in the nightclub. 'What captivated me was her calmness. There was this peacefulness around her amidst the noise', He reminisced. They both exchanged numbers and a relationship ensued thereafter. 
They both really loved each other but there was a BUT! Ruka was a NYMPHO! They had both tried their best trying to cure this ailment, from special deliverance sessions, to white and red candle sessions, to special flogging sessions, to psychological sessions, all to no avail.
They finally broke up after Kenny realized everything else came after sex in Ruka's life, including him.
                                                 to be continued..........

Monday, 21 November 2011

Demi wants to cut Kutcher

So this is the end of the cougar-ish marriage?! And to think that most older women in the same relationship 'situation' were looking up to her. Well, we still have Kourtney Kardashian and Scott, don't we?(ahem...) So what are my views? Well, personally I knew it wouldn't last, come on who are we kidding?! This is not the matter of bad belle or women sef! but it's just the truth. In Nigeria, once you are approaching the 25-ish stage, market don dey finish how much more for 41. Truth be told, Demi Moore is smoking hot (on camera), but we don't see her when she wakes up in the morning. I believe this is just some sort of karma, I didn't like that she divorced Bruce Willis (I love you Bruce, call me!) at all. So tit for tat.
As for Brother Ashton, nobody forced him to get married to Demi in the first instance so I'm really disappointed in him concerning the cheating rumours. If he had simply said, Abeg, I no do again! Good and fine! But cheating? That's just too bad. At least he should have considered his marriage vows, or even the love and respect he once had for her. Shame on you Ashton.
Love is love, regardless of age, looks, money or whatever, but love doesn't keep a marriage(think about this).
Okay, so that brings me to the major gist. I heard that she (Demi) wants to take revenge on Ashton financially. She instructed her lawyers to 'punish him financially'. Ashton earns a whooping 500k pounds per episode on Two and a Half men (even though it double sucks now) and as much as 4m pounds per year as a successful investor in new technological projects, including Skype. Now this is where I'm in full support of Demi. Sharp babe. Your mouth dey there. Leave the vengeance to God, and Ashton's money to your account!

Monday, 14 November 2011

Diary of a Young Nigerian Virgin

Oct 30 2004,!0:00pm. On my bed.

Dear Diary,

Me I'm tired of staying at home oh! I heard Nana is now in University of Abuja while I'm still lounging at home, it's already October, making it the 4th month of staying at home idling away. Hmmn....idle. An idle mind is indeed the devil's work shop...something happened today. I was staying at home jejely watching Teletubbies (what?!I like the programme) when this guy came over, that fine boy I use to eye in my computer school, Chukwudi. Seriously, I don't even know what I even like in him, he has this nasty bow legs and wears glasses as thick as the bottom of solo coke bottle, but he drives me nuts with his voice or maybe its his really light brown eyes, well whatever I sha like him sha. So as I was saying, he came today and brought this film with him. Guess what type of film it was?It was a blue film. You know, before today I used to think blue film was a film with blue pictures just like a black and white film. Naive me!
Okay o, so I played the film, but after seeing its first  few seconds(okay its a lie, first few minutes) content and started feeling really funny and felt Chukwudi's fingers move towards my thighs, I quickly jumped up and told him to leave but without the film.
I'm sleeping 3.00pm tonight. Ciao!

Monday, 31 October 2011

Halloween Madness

Heidi Klum

Ice T and Coco
Halloween is a holiday celebrated on the night of October 31..The festival of Samhain is a celebration of the end of the harvest season in Gaelic culture. Samhain was a time used by the ancient pagans to take stock of supplies and prepare for winter. The ancient Gaels believed that on October 31, the boundaries between the worlds of the living and the dead overlapped and the deceased would come back to life and cause havoc such as sickness or damaged crops.Masks and consumes were worn in an attempt to mimic the evil spirits or appease them. Evil Spirits ke?! I reserve my comment!!!!!

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Danger '27'

Amy Winehouse (14  September 1983-23 July 2011).
Cause of death- Alcohol Poisoning  (Yeah Right!)

 Heath Ledger (4 April 1979 – 22 January 2008)
Cause of Death - Toxic combination of Prescription drugs (Abegi..Grammar)!

Jim Morrison (December 8, 1943 – July 3, 1971)
Cause of Death - Still Unknown
(End of Discussion)

Have y'all noticed 27 is fast becoming a danger number in terms of age in Hollywood. My 'Nnkan Nbe like' mind did some snooting around (or better still, lazying around) and discovered this 27 phenomenon. Check out these Hollywood stars who died mysteriously at 27, though the investigations claim suicide...overdose...blah blah blah.
 I'm Nigerian and I'm sticking to-'Aiye' hand dey there. For more of this scary sh*t, check out vigilant citizen or sumfin.*lips sealed*

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Diary of a Young Nigerian Virgin

14th October 2004 6:21pm

Dear Diary,

Dada came today and  he was like he wants to do it with me. We are still too young, I'm just 16 and he 17, so why the hurry and what if he doesn't marry me? Sex means a lot to me and I don't just mean its sacred nature but also the dignity issue involved in it. I'm no feminist but I just can't imagine a guy humping and grunting on me only for us to break up at the end of the day with my dignity shattered totally. Eeeeew!
 I was actually impressed when he said it. I don't like shy guys. I like guys that say what they want upfront. 
Okay, so its not  as if I don't want to do it with him too(who am I kidding?!Its not as if he's ever gonna see this diary anyways)Okay so thats a big lie, I actually don't want to do anything with him because I feel totally nothing when we are kissing. All I just think of is the amount of spit I'm guzzling into my system. As if that's not bad enough he went to the chest area today. 'Oh Boy! Please just stop, this is not cool', but I really couldn't say it out loud. The thing with me is that I am too much of a people pleaser even to my own detriment. Well, miss nice gal or not, I'm gonna make sure this is the first and the last time he goes below my face.
 My lips still hurts from his teeth marks. Mummy saw it today and asked why my lips were swollen, and I said to myself,' You really don't want to know'. 'Nothing', I replied and quickly ran to my room before she notices the two missing buttons of my blouse.
 Mothers!They are so clueless!