Diary of a Young Nigerian Virgin

November 30, 2004

On my bed, listening to coolfm

Dear Diary,

Hey wassup. Did you miss me?! Well I missed you! I'm so sorry I haven't gisted you about what's been going on. I've been mad busy that's why, that school finally called me so I've been preparing for school (yes school darling! I'm gonna be a uni girl soon) and stuff. Did I gist you about Dada's birthday?! Geez I almost got grounded for life o! So Dada came over to celebrate his birthday with me, fortunately mummy wasn't at home so we had our little party of two at home. I bought him a mug with a cute teddy bear in it for him (don't abuse me o). There were some bottles of teezers at home so we just sat on the couch watching tv, gisting and drinking our teezers when I suddenly heard my name. Shit shit shit!!! 'That's my mum' I said to him as I pushed him towards my big sister's room and told him to hide behind the door. I quickly ran outside noticed his shoes which I quickly flung into the flowers and went with my heart beating voilently to open the gate for my mum. I was surprised she didn't notice my unease. She stepped into the sitting room and noticed the drinks, she went 'ku igbadun' and went into her room to pick up some stuff she forgot. Did I mention that the room Dada was hiding was opposite my mum's? Well it was! So as she stepped out, she noticed the gift on my sister's bed and entered the room. She asked me who had the gift and I told her my sis told me to help her wrap it (I knew I would always become a good liar lawyer someday). She dropped it, and left the room and then home eventually.

I ran to the room and told Dada she had left and boy, was he sweating! Heeyah! Things we do for love shei?! Hahahaha! That's me laughing.

This Down Feeling Though!

The worst feeling you can ever get is what I call the ‘down feeling’. What is the down feeling? This is when you are at your most vulnerable moment. When you reflect on your past and present life and conclude that you are the most miserable person on earth. When you fight your faith, shun the natural urge of strength that comes at this particular period, hate every other person apart from yourself, cry your heart out and at times make decisions that would mar you forever. Become heartless, selfish, nasty, a bully, drug addict, bitter, backslider, grumpy, ill mannered and at times fat. I don’t know if other people have this feeling every once in a while or ways they tackle it but I do know I get this feeling and I’m not proudly saying so. If someone asked me what to do in situations like this I would simply advice the person to curb this feeling with the word of God. But I seem not to apply this to myself. What I do is watch really funny comedies, laugh out loud and byebye, down feeling is gone…temporarily.

The funny aspect of this down moment is that I know the right thing to do. I know down feeling is just a subtle name for depression which in turn is an instrument of the devil which in turn is caused by fear, distrust and anxiety which in turn God hates. In fact it is a sin (perhaps I should put it in my kojo rara list) because distrust and fear disregards faith and without faith it is impossible to please God. Maybe that is what makes it so bitterly sweet. Wallowing in self pity, being an ingrate for being alive, focusing on stuff you don’t have rather than speaking in faith that you shall get them or remembering that all (all not some) things work together for good to them that love God.

Okay seriously people, do you experience this down feeling? Is it normal or just plain abnormal evil? Do strong people go through moments like this or only insecure selfish people? If it is normal, how do you practically curb this in your way? And if it is normal, is it possible to shut out this down feeling forever?

Hope you had a splendid holiday people?! And don’t forget His Grace is sufficient!